Superficial? Vain? or Finally kicking my own butt?

When it comes to weight loss, I have to ask myself if I’m doing it for the right reasons. More so, I have to ask myself if I’m doing it the right way. I’ve done the starvation thing, and really, it’s sort of a slap in the face to other people in the world who would give anything to have the access to food that I do. I have access to great food and well, the crap I love to eat like McDonalds.

I am just so tired of being chained by the food that I love to eat and can’t get out from under. I know how I feel in the end and that it just makes me sick and fat. Why do I continue to eat it? That sensory part of my brain that feels that old addiction while I eat it, I would say is a major player. I have through the years trained myself to eat out of emotion, mostly on either side of the pendulum–a high or a low place. Don’t get me wrong, though, I will eat out of pure boredom, too.

I read a book last week called So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. It’s got my head swirling in a billion different directions. God has also been speaking to me about a few things in my life, and I am struggling with it like crazy. I’m a little afraid to talk about all of it because I really do think people will think *I* have gone off the deep end. Our society tells us so many things, and some of what I feel like God is asking of me would make others shake their heads at me. It just doesn’t make sense. That’s part of why I know it’s God. Another reason, is that it’s not what I would do in my fleshly self, either.

Anyway, aside from the things that I will not divulge at the moment, I will talk about something that I have a fresh scope on. I think it may be the vacation that I had last week and being away from the monotony of my own life. Sometimes I can’t even recognize that I am in the midst of monotony until I spend some time away from it.

I am not willing to let the bad choices in food determine who I am and what I can do. When it is a roadblock to living an abundant life, it has been a pawn of Satan’s in disguise. It feels so good to eat so bad, but in the end I am a miserable person, plagued with stomach aches, illness, bloating, laziness, and addiction for more more more. I do not want to become rigid with what I eat, but to adhere to not becoming a slave of my own insatiable stomach pangs. I want to simplify that part of my life and put some emphasis on life-giving things, especially going outside and playing. I need to fight for myself through this, and know that I am worth the pain of giving up some of the ways I have “treated” myself. I need to stand up for myself, from myself.

So here it comes, unabashedly I am going to talk numbers.

I weigh 155 lbs.

last summer I weighed 145lbs.

I have been 150-155 lbs for nearly a year now. I teeter in between those numbers.

I feel like I don’t eat all that much, but when I see it on paper, I eat probably 2400-2600 calories a day.

My biggest problems are: Fast food, afternoon snacks, and snacks before bed.

I have a love affair with McDonalds & Krispy Kreme.

I haven’t been cooking, we’ve been eating out. It’s horrible for the budget and our stomachs.

I am 5’3″ my bmi is 27.5, which makes me “overweight” For my height, I could be 105 and be considered normal. Let’s not get crazy, though I would say 130 would be a comfortable weight for my build. I’ve never had a string bean look, I’ve always been more “athletic” or muscular, if you will.

I refuse to say I can’t have _______. I do want to say that treat items must be treated as their name indicates… a treat.

I am training for a half marathon. (Matt is, too) I want to put that in focus and use food as the fuel for the goals we have set.

I use the site to track my caloric intake. (it’s an awesome! site)

I will be reporting back. I want to every few days to talk about where I’ve been and where I’m going.

Heaven Help me, I can’t do this on my own! πŸ™‚ I’m so thankful for a God of making the impossible possible! Pray for me!


2 thoughts on “Superficial? Vain? or Finally kicking my own butt?

  1. C-Dawg,
    I say that you are none of the three in your title. As I read your blog I felt you were finally coming to see your body as the temple God intended for it to be. Not thin, not overwheight, not even ‘normal’ but instead healthy and strong to be long-living useful tool for His glory.
    I will be praying for you that instead of a “diet” or “restrictions” you see your new approach to food is, as you typed “food as fuel” to power you to run your race both physically and spiritually.
    As you know, I think we all battle those same attacks by satan to make our focus our weight, food, our figure, etc. I am not only praying for you as a friend, but a partner in crime against these specific attacks in our life.
    I read a phrase today by a celebrity who got called fat in the papers, Riot NOT Diet! I liked that. I think it’s time we Riot against the ideals of the world, but also against the distructive vices of the world when we lack control over them.
    You are going to do amazing things and I can’t wait to see how your example of taking care of your temple impacts your family’s desire to be active, strong, butt kicking soldiers in God’s army.

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