When it comes to weight loss, I have to ask myself if I’m doing it for the right reasons. More so, I have to ask myself if I’m doing it the right way. I’ve done the starvation thing, and really, it’s sort of a slap in the face to other people in the world who would give anything to have the access to food that I do. I have access to great food and well, the crap I love to eat like McDonalds.
I am just so tired of being chained by the food that I love to eat and can’t get out from under. I know how I feel in the end and that it just makes me sick and fat. Why do I continue to eat it? That sensory part of my brain that feels that old addiction while I eat it, I would say is a major player. I have through the years trained myself to eat out of emotion, mostly on either side of the pendulum–a high or a low place. Don’t get me wrong, though, I will eat out of pure boredom, too.
I read a book last week called So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. It’s got my head swirling in a billion different directions. God has also been speaking to me about a few things in my life, and I am struggling with it like crazy. I’m a little afraid to talk about all of it because I really do think people will think *I* have gone off the deep end. Our society tells us so many things, and some of what I feel like God is asking of me would make others shake their heads at me. It just doesn’t make sense. That’s part of why I know it’s God. Another reason, is that it’s not what I would do in my fleshly self, either.
Anyway, aside from the things that I will not divulge at the moment, I will talk about something that I have a fresh scope on. I think it may be the vacation that I had last week and being away from the monotony of my own life. Sometimes I can’t even recognize that I am in the midst of monotony until I spend some time away from it.
I am not willing to let the bad choices in food determine who I am and what I can do. When it is a roadblock to living an abundant life, it has been a pawn of Satan’s in disguise. It feels so good to eat so bad, but in the end I am a miserable person, plagued with stomach aches, illness, bloating, laziness, and addiction for more more more. I do not want to become rigid with what I eat, but to adhere to not becoming a slave of my own insatiable stomach pangs. I want to simplify that part of my life and put some emphasis on life-giving things, especially going outside and playing. I need to fight for myself through this, and know that I am worth the pain of giving up some of the ways I have “treated” myself. I need to stand up for myself, from myself.
So here it comes, unabashedly I am going to talk numbers.
I weigh 155 lbs.
last summer I weighed 145lbs.
I have been 150-155 lbs for nearly a year now. I teeter in between those numbers.
I feel like I don’t eat all that much, but when I see it on paper, I eat probably 2400-2600 calories a day.
My biggest problems are: Fast food, afternoon snacks, and snacks before bed.
I have a love affair with McDonalds & Krispy Kreme.
I haven’t been cooking, we’ve been eating out. It’s horrible for the budget and our stomachs.
I am 5’3″ my bmi is 27.5, which makes me “overweight” For my height, I could be 105 and be considered normal. Let’s not get crazy, though I would say 130 would be a comfortable weight for my build. I’ve never had a string bean look, I’ve always been more “athletic” or muscular, if you will.
I refuse to say I can’t have _______. I do want to say that treat items must be treated as their name indicates… a treat.
I am training for a half marathon. (Matt is, too) I want to put that in focus and use food as the fuel for the goals we have set.
I use the site fitday.com to track my caloric intake. (it’s an awesome! site)
I will be reporting back. I want to every few days to talk about where I’ve been and where I’m going.
Heaven Help me, I can’t do this on my own! 🙂 I’m so thankful for a God of making the impossible possible! Pray for me!